Nirvana Navigator Gifts

"Nothing happens next. This is it."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"I have reached the higher plane of consciousness and enlightenment."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'Yes, I know the Meaning of Life, but I've decided to franchise it!'

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

"It sure is -- It took me three reincarnations, to get UP here."

'Well, you'll just have to CONTROL your urge to yodel!'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

Late Night Buddha Call.

'Two bowls of gruel? -- What is this, a feeding frenzy?'

'That's right. I took all your money and didn't teach you a darn thing -- enlightening, isn't it?'

'Don't worry -- if you fall off, you automatically get reincarnated.'

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

'How much does enlightenment cost?'

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

'Goopta took early retirement.'

'It's not considered good form to brag about extinguishing your ego.'

'Well, I don't WANT to become one with any Universe that HE'S one with!'

"It's where I file my tax receipts."

'If you're serious about becoming enlightened, you'll have to open your mouth and shut your eyes.'

'I was THAT close to attaining enlightenment, and a stupid BIRD landed on my head!'

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'

'Shirley MacLaine claims to remember past lives.' 'I thought she looked familiar!'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Barcode Dreams

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."