Nirvana Humorist Gifts

'How will they know how enlightened you are, if you don't advertise?'

Welcome Spring.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'll set snooze for an extra month.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

The Puck Stops Here.

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'Yes, I know the Meaning of Life, but I've decided to franchise it!'

'Post-Hibernation Blues'

'Actually, we're members of a mountain climbing club named for sir Edmund Hillary.'

Steak Lovers.

"Was that me or did the oven buzzer go off?"

"I always feel sorry for the kids who have birthdays during hibernation."

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

"If you hibernated you wouldn't have to worry about losing an hour's sleep to daylight savings."

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

'I'm being tested for sleep apnoea this winter: Better go, see you in spring...'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'How would you like to try sleeping, when somebody's lying next to you snoring for six months?'

Late Night Buddha Call.

Football anagrams(Did vain goal.). Answer: David Ginola.

'I woke up early from hibernation, so I watched TV for two weeks until my parents got up...'

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'

'You got the wrong guy. I'm not a guru, I'm a consultant.'