Nirvana Humorist Pillows

'How will they know how enlightened you are, if you don't advertise?'

Welcome Spring.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I'll set snooze for an extra month.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

'Yes, I know the Meaning of Life, but I've decided to franchise it!'

'Actually, we're members of a mountain climbing club named for sir Edmund Hillary.'

"Was that me or did the oven buzzer go off?"

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

'Post-Hibernation Blues'

Steak Lovers.

"I always feel sorry for the kids who have birthdays during hibernation."

"If you hibernated you wouldn't have to worry about losing an hour's sleep to daylight savings."

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

'I'm being tested for sleep apnoea this winter: Better go, see you in spring...'

'How would you like to try sleeping, when somebody's lying next to you snoring for six months?'

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'

'I woke up early from hibernation, so I watched TV for two weeks until my parents got up...'

Late Night Buddha Call.

The Hibernation Channel

'You got the wrong guy. I'm not a guru, I'm a consultant.'