New Dads Mastering Parent Acrobatics Pillows

"Support the head."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'The kids were so sweet...'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

Children in fancy dress on the way to music lessons

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

Children's Nursery

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

'Mom can I have another apple?'

Baby Footballer

Add your kids' ages together...

'Around here your mom is the management. I'm just the middle management.'

Playerpen - 'Naptime already?'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

Father's Day

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'We're running combat maneuvers on our 3 year old?'

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

Stuff You Do In Pre-natel Class.

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'

Mix up on the maternity ward.

'I'm a house-husband.'

'Changing diapers isn't so bad, as long as you don't look down.'

'My wife says it's compulsory - that the Queen made a speech about it.'

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

"She's a natural!"

Please queue here for contraction service.

'Unfortunately, I can't sneak out at night without my Mum noticing...'