Dynamic Dad Pillows

'Around here your mom is the management. I'm just the middle management.'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

'I don't have time for throwing up.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

Skateboard

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

The modern generation!

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Genius! Art class and snack time!'

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

Daddy's Hook

'Just wait till it's my turn to make long-term care decisions for you!'

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"There's no umbilical cord. But don't worry... it just means your baby is connected to you via wifi."

"Honey, please don't talk to Daddy when he's in a chat room."

At the modern antenatal class.

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

'We got rid of the baby monitor, We just sms the baby 'RUOK''

Father's Day

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

Expectant father with sports goods - "It's a girl."

Bartlett's Expanded Quotations

"Go ask your mother."

Timber!

'Ask your other father.'