New Dad Dynamics Pillows

'My wife says it's compulsory - that the Queen made a speech about it.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Doughboy Dad

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"That's mine!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Which one's mine?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Which one's yours?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Which one's yours?"

"It's a dependent!"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"It was a difficult delivery."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

Overprotective Father

Newborns on cell phones