Father-to-be Fun Pillows

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"Support the head."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

'Oooh, she has your eyes Horus.'

'It's so incredible, getting to discover the little bundle of magic hidden inside.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

'Thanks for the offer to baby sit him, and don't worry, he's not a fussy eater: Any dung you can find will do...'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

"Did you want to know if the baby's a boy or a girl?"

Father's Day

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

"Having a mom who works for the Pentagon has its perks."

L'il Buckaroo.

Maternity Ward - door sign reads "Push, go on, push!"

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

'What sort of silly planning is this?...I've got fingernails but no teeth to chew them with.'

Mix up on the maternity ward.

'I'm a house-husband.'

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

'Changing diapers isn't so bad, as long as you don't look down.'

Maternity. Which one is yours?

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

"My kids are here for their appointment. Ages five and forty-two."

'Dad, make a noise like a dinosaur!'