Father-to-be Fun Pillows

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

"Support the head."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'Oooh, she has your eyes Horus.'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

'It's so incredible, getting to discover the little bundle of magic hidden inside.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

'Thanks for the offer to baby sit him, and don't worry, he's not a fussy eater: Any dung you can find will do...'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

Father's Day

"Having a mom who works for the Pentagon has its perks."

L'il Buckaroo.

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

'What sort of silly planning is this?...I've got fingernails but no teeth to chew them with.'

Maternity Ward - door sign reads "Push, go on, push!"

'I'm a house-husband.'

Mix up on the maternity ward.

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

'Changing diapers isn't so bad, as long as you don't look down.'

"My kids are here for their appointment. Ages five and forty-two."

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

'Dad, make a noise like a dinosaur!'

'It's a boy...or a girl!'