Net Etiquette Gifts

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"I hit reply all too many times."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"How about fashionably never?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Can I help you?"

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

Do you want to make sure you e-mails don't get ignored.

I will not peek at my phone during parent-teacher conference....

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.

"Yes, we eliminated the dress code, but I see you didn't fully understand."

How Dogs Identify Themselves in Upscale Neighborhoods.

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'