Technology Etiquette Gifts

I will not peek at my phone during parent-teacher conference....

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"I hit reply all too many times."

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"How about fashionably never?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

'I noticed there was nothing in the employee handbook about snacks, naps, or pet's birthdays.'

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

Canadian Zoom

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Can I help you?"

Do you want to make sure you e-mails don't get ignored.

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'