Internet Etiquette Gifts

Thank you for not using the office internet line as a singles' pick-up service.

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"How about fashionably never?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

I will not peek at my phone during parent-teacher conference....

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.

"Yes, we eliminated the dress code, but I see you didn't fully understand."

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"Goodbye and have a wonderful day!" "Ugh! Don’t tell me what to do, okay!?!"

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.