Online Etiquette Gifts

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"How about fashionably never?"

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

I will not peek at my phone during parent-teacher conference....

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.

Captain asking lady to dance

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

"Goodbye and have a wonderful day!" "Ugh! Don’t tell me what to do, okay!?!"

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

Servants - Cook and the Lady of the House

"Hey, aren't you the guy who faces everyone on the elevator?"

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