Online Etiquette Pillows

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"How about fashionably never?"

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

I will not peek at my phone during parent-teacher conference....

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

Would it be rude if I didn't follow them all back?

Captain asking lady to dance

"Goodbye and have a wonderful day!" "Ugh! Don’t tell me what to do, okay!?!"

"Remember, it could spoil the whole evening if you mention the smell of decomposing flesh coming from their basement."

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

"Ignoring LinkedIn requests is the new 'get lost'."

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."