Net Etiquette Pillows

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

"I hit reply all too many times."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"How about fashionably never?"

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Can I help you?"

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

Do you want to make sure you e-mails don't get ignored.

I will not peek at my phone during parent-teacher conference....

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"Yes, we eliminated the dress code, but I see you didn't fully understand."

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.