Technology Etiquette Pillows

I will not peek at my phone during parent-teacher conference....

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

"I hit reply all too many times."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"How about fashionably never?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

'I noticed there was nothing in the employee handbook about snacks, naps, or pet's birthdays.'

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

Canadian Zoom

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Since I don't really know you, I got you something that's easy to regift."

Do you want to make sure you e-mails don't get ignored.

"Can I help you?"

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'