Digital Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

'Twitter or tweet-free?'

The need to be careful on social media.

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

"Can I help you?"

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

Top Tips For Video Interviews

Trolling on social media

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

A guest departing a party.

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

Did you take the last cup and not make another pot?

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

"So what do we do when we can't say anything nice about someone?"

"He just called without texting first. How can he be 23 and still not know how a phone works?"

"Stop hitting 'Reply All.'"

Tuesday Afternoon at the Osaka No-Tell Motel

Handy Pre-made Notes for Modern Life

"My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight." "My name's Fred, and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon." "I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason."