Email Etiquette Gifts

"Email tone is tricky... I can never tell if they're wagging."

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

Spam in inbox.

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

'Lance, what does 'NSFW' stand for?'

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"I hit reply all too many times."

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

"I finally got myself organized and unsubscribed from all those-e-mails."

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"Don't feel bad, my mail server goes down sometimes, too."

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

How to apply for a job, then vs. now

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.