Naval Humorist Gifts

"It works fine - we are just no longer a nuclear family."

Submarine and beer

Cat in a tank...

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Japanese Whaling

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

Well yes, I am a Blue Whale, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed...

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Ticket and passport, please."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Walking the Plank.

French Army knife

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Man painting MOM on boat

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'...and this is the Mess.'

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"Did you call for a Medic?"

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."