Nautical Humorist Gifts

'Oh Crud!'

"There's nothing wrong with the ship. We just got a better offer."

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

'For heaven's sake; Mrs Van Rensselaer, let go!'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

"We must be on a stealth mission: He's using brushes"

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Ye Old Mariners Inn.

My Guess is, it belongs to a politician.

'Oh yeah! I guess you think your barge doesn't stink.'

Man Overboard and Drink Overboard.

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

'Of course, you understand that under maritime law I have certain salvage rights?'

"We 'ave an agreement, then - I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine."

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

"Hold on - what happened to Unsinkable I?"

"Flotsam off the starboard bow, Captain."

"Sorry, we don't have one for 'tripped'!"

"Pardon me, but we ran out of gas. Can you tow us into shore?"

'Give it to me straight, doctor - is it Dutch Elm Disease?

"...I have no idea how to make cheese."

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

CAPTAIN PLUNGER. Colour

'Are you sure it's only a lifeboat drill?'

Sailor Works out Position On Sinking Ship

"You're wanted on the phone, it's the coastguard."

'If you remember, the last thing I said before the ship went down was, 'don't forget to bring the ball'.'

'Come back immediately, idiot.'

Fish near-death experiences.

Naval intelligence listening to a shell.

"I told you to part your hair in the middle."

"I think he just said I'm on a boat LOL ..."

"Other than the harpoon, I can't find a thing wrong with you."

"These aren't barnacles. Someone stuck their gum down here."