Nautical-themed Humorist Gifts

"Attention all hands. Abandon ship!"

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

Bicycle sat nav.

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Japanese Whaling

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

Well yes, I am a Blue Whale, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed...

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Ticket and passport, please."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Tugboat tugging Iceberg

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

Man painting MOM on boat

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Walking the Plank.

'It followed me home, can I keep it?'

"Let’s draw him closer to New Bedford — we’ll get cell service there and Instagram the heck out of this!"

Fisherman selling sardines in oil, haddock in oil, cod in oil etc..

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

'We're drifting apart.'