Nautical Humorist Pillows

'Oh Crud!'

'They belong to that Christian school.'

"There's nothing wrong with the ship. We just got a better offer."

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

"We must be on a stealth mission: He's using brushes"

'For heaven's sake; Mrs Van Rensselaer, let go!'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

Ye Old Mariners Inn.

'Bugger!'

My Guess is, it belongs to a politician.

"We 'ave an agreement, then - I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine."

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

'Of course, you understand that under maritime law I have certain salvage rights?'

"Hold on - what happened to Unsinkable I?"

Man Overboard and Drink Overboard.

'Oh yeah! I guess you think your barge doesn't stink.'

Talking to rats - "One more crack about my seamanship and you're off the captains table."

"I think he just said I'm on a boat LOL ..."

Naval intelligence listening to a shell.

"You're wanted on the phone, it's the coastguard."

'Come back immediately, idiot.'

"I told you to part your hair in the middle."

"Pardon me, but we ran out of gas. Can you tow us into shore?"

"Flotsam off the starboard bow, Captain."

'If you remember, the last thing I said before the ship went down was, 'don't forget to bring the ball'.'

Fish near-death experiences.

"...I have no idea how to make cheese."

'Are you sure it's only a lifeboat drill?'

'Give it to me straight, doctor - is it Dutch Elm Disease?

CAPTAIN PLUNGER. Colour

"Other than the harpoon, I can't find a thing wrong with you."

"Sorry, we don't have one for 'tripped'!"