Nautical Comedy Fan Gifts

'He overslept.'

"I don't know, I thought he was with you!"

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

"Ticket and passport, please."

Tugboat tugging Iceberg

'It followed me home, can I keep it?'

Fisherman selling sardines in oil, haddock in oil, cod in oil etc..

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

'I told you we should have unionized.'

"Let’s draw him closer to New Bedford — we’ll get cell service there and Instagram the heck out of this!"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

'I think we should wake the Captain!'

'I told you to keep the rice in a plastic bag.'

"Oh. . . What shall we do with a sunken trailer?"

"Damn it, doesn't anybody on this ship have depth perception?"

Sailor's pipe is a ship's funnel.

'Oh no! Not 'Barnacle Bill the Sailor', again.'

"Have you got an immoral compass? We're looking for a night of fun!"

'For heaven's sake; Mrs Van Rensselaer, let go!'

'I just think it might be a bit too jolly for the captain's taste.'

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

"After the life he's had, he just said 'What the hell'..."

'Long periods of inactivity are not good for a pirate like you, Cap'n. You're taking root.'

'I understand the plight of average crustaceans... Because I'm just an average crustacean myself.'

"Rats, we can't bow ride this one: it's a hovercraft..."

'Petty Officer why does Jenkins keep shouting 'ice cream' from the lookout? Is he drunk? Put him on a charge when he comes down.'

Pirate Doctor

"Seriously, Mittens, let's let this one go."

"Gosh and I thought it was a barbershop."