Mountain Retreats Gifts

'Well, we'll have to move into town, then - We can't afford a wheelchair ramp.'

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Monk on the beach

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

Priest

"At last - no Trump."

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

The Old Woman in the shoe questions her decision to spend her empty-nest years in a condo at a ski resort.'

Self Storage Unit

I'D RATHER BE IN MIAMI, 'Oognik, I'd like to talk to you about your attitude...'

"I don't think there's enough vodka for another week in Canada."

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

"I moved out here for peace and quiet, but now I keep talking to myself."

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

Go away

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'We'd like to visit a peaceful police state away from any terror treats.'

"He used to be in advertising"

'It was a long trip, but the french fries are worth it.'

"I always come here when I need to blow of some steam."

"Can I see your license Sir?"

'I'm getting worried about Goopta -- he's been having an out-of-body experience for three weeks now.'

A rest by the way

'I'm self isolating, you idiot!'