Wilderness Retreat Gifts

"I don't think there's enough vodka for another week in Canada."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Monk on the beach

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

"Excuse me sir, is this the environment..?"

Priest

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

I'D RATHER BE IN MIAMI, 'Oognik, I'd like to talk to you about your attitude...'

'What's the night life-like?

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

Go away

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

Septic Fields Forever.

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'It was a long trip, but the french fries are worth it.'

"This ashram looks good. Every night after dinner they have a stand-up guru."

A rest by the way

"He used to be in advertising"

'I'm getting worried about Goopta -- he's been having an out-of-body experience for three weeks now.'

A*se End of Nowhere POPULATION: YOU

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

Glad we moved out of the City

"I was social distancing. Until you just showed up."

"Can I see your license Sir?"