Wilderness Retreat Gifts

"I don't think there's enough vodka for another week in Canada."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Monk on the beach

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

"Excuse me sir, is this the environment..?"

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

Priest

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

I'D RATHER BE IN MIAMI, 'Oognik, I'd like to talk to you about your attitude...'

'What's the night life-like?

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

Go away

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

Septic Fields Forever.

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'It was a long trip, but the french fries are worth it.'

"This ashram looks good. Every night after dinner they have a stand-up guru."

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

Glad we moved out of the City

"He used to be in advertising"

'I'm getting worried about Goopta -- he's been having an out-of-body experience for three weeks now.'

A rest by the way

"I always come here when I need to blow of some steam."

"Can I see your license Sir?"