Mortician Gifts

'My job is great since I never have to worry about Customer Satisfaction.'

"It's a little late for a second opinion - this is the autopsy."

"Oh, I do love a mystery."

The mortician's lunch-box.

'Remind me to have a serious word with Mr Sillett over casual dress on a friday.'

''Bye, honey...Go out there and knock 'em dead today!'

Hearse with sign 'Body On Board'.

"It looks a lot like him, but he would never have worn a tag on his toe like that."

Bored at the City Morgue.

He Took It With Him.

Man and woman at funeral parlor see sign, 'Ask about our Layaway Plan'.

Man trying to break out of a coffin.

"My, oh, my, what a co-inky dinky."

'In your price range we can arrange to have you splattered on a windshield.'

'Morgue - Welcome to the chill-out room.'

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

'Yeah...but maybe there's such a thing as looking too natural.'

Undertaker's desk with In and Out tray coffins

"We'll find out what's wrong with you through a procedure called an 'autopsy'."

Do your own conveyancing...Do it yourself plumbing and heating...Embalm your own relatives.

Morticians

'Why, no, I don't have any nail clippers on me. Just do like I do, and use your teeth.'

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

"Using our house as a makeshift morgue is going to make it harder to sell."

'Cause of death: Acute, sudden dehydration secondary to moisture-wicking undergarments.'

"Fill out this tag and attach it to your big toe."

'The not so Grim Reaper'.

Casket company slogan: "We think inside the box."

"You said to hire a face painter and I did! Bill is a mortician!"

"Blueberry muffins. My wife made them."

A hearse with a vulture hood ornament.

Touch screen for bio.

Casual Friday at Fruhoffer's Funeral Parlor.

"I just love take-out."

"You're doing that all wrong."