Mortician Pillows

'My job is great since I never have to worry about Customer Satisfaction.'

"It's a little late for a second opinion - this is the autopsy."

"Oh, I do love a mystery."

''Bye, honey...Go out there and knock 'em dead today!'

The mortician's lunch-box.

'Remind me to have a serious word with Mr Sillett over casual dress on a friday.'

"It looks a lot like him, but he would never have worn a tag on his toe like that."

Bored at the City Morgue.

Hearse with sign 'Body On Board'.

"My, oh, my, what a co-inky dinky."

He Took It With Him.

Man trying to break out of a coffin.

Man and woman at funeral parlor see sign, 'Ask about our Layaway Plan'.

"Using our house as a makeshift morgue is going to make it harder to sell."

"Fill out this tag and attach it to your big toe."

'Morgue - Welcome to the chill-out room.'

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

'Why, no, I don't have any nail clippers on me. Just do like I do, and use your teeth.'

Morticians

Undertaker's desk with In and Out tray coffins

Do your own conveyancing...Do it yourself plumbing and heating...Embalm your own relatives.

'The not so Grim Reaper'.

"We'll find out what's wrong with you through a procedure called an 'autopsy'."

'Cause of death: Acute, sudden dehydration secondary to moisture-wicking undergarments.'

'Yeah...but maybe there's such a thing as looking too natural.'

'In your price range we can arrange to have you splattered on a windshield.'

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

Casket company slogan: "We think inside the box."

"The DIY Embalming Centre"

"Meet your maker Sat 11-12"

"So I brought a little work home with me. Big deal."

A look ahead

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

"Would you like to save 10 percent today by opening a Palmer Funeral Home account?"

"Blueberry muffins. My wife made them."