Medicine Gifts

'I think my work here is done.'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

'While you may not be as comfortable with a female doctor, on the plus side, my hands are smaller.'

"The ringing in your ears-I think I can help."

"These medicines all taste pretty good - let's approve them."

"Well, Bob, it looks like a paper cut, but just to be sure let's do lots of tests."

"All these years, and you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said, have you?"

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Urology Department (door leaking pee)

"It's your ear, nose, and throat."

"Now that's the kind of positive attitude I'm really going to miss."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Despite all these changes in modern society, a prolapse is still a prolapse.'

It was a short-cut through the hospital kitchens that Albert was first approached by a member of the antibiotic resistance.

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Keep still, this won't hurt a bit.'

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

"We medical practitioners do our very best, Mr. Nyman. Nothing is more sacred to us than the doctor-plaintiff relationship."

2021

Dermatologist: Rash decisions made here.

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

Podiatrist

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

'Doctors scare me.'

"I'm afraid you have a yeast infection."

'You're a selfish b***ard, Lewis! Those stem-cell lines were meant for people who've LOST an organ!'

'This one didn't turn out either. You must've moved.'

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"