Doctor Gifts

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

'While you may not be as comfortable with a female doctor, on the plus side, my hands are smaller.'

"The ringing in your ears-I think I can help."

"Well, Bob, it looks like a paper cut, but just to be sure let's do lots of tests."

"All these years, and you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said, have you?"

"You should relax less."

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Urology Department (door leaking pee)

"It's your ear, nose, and throat."

"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."

"Now that's the kind of positive attitude I'm really going to miss."

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

The lungs of a man blowing a balloon.

'Despite all these changes in modern society, a prolapse is still a prolapse.'

"I tried working at home, but my wife didn't like me performing colonoscopies in the dining room."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

'How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?'

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'I have your test results. Your sugar is too high.'

"We medical practitioners do our very best, Mr. Nyman. Nothing is more sacred to us than the doctor-plaintiff relationship."

2021

Dermatologist: Rash decisions made here.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"When Dr. Henderson comes in, everybody play dead."

"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

"Your eyes are fine. I'ts just that on some eye charts they type is too small." The nearly blind leading the nearly blind.