Medical Science Gifts

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"We used Crispr to cure her allergies, and figured why stop there?"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Etheridge is an epidemiologist, not a general practitioners. But maybe if you get a group together, he would see you."

'Just as I thought. You have bones.'

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'

Germs in a hospital ward.

Snow man on an ice water drip.

'Obstetrics and gynaecology' arrow 'Down there'

'Uh, oh....It doesn't look good.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"I'm not so much concerned with the side effects of the drug I gave you as I am with the fact that it was a placebo."

Platelets

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'You're not showing up at all on any of the X-rays.'

'Why do you keep coming to these meetings, appendix? You have not contributed a damn thing since the Paleolithic!'

'According to the tests your obesity is genetic. Most people have 'XY' chromosomes...yours are 'XL'!'

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

'Purchasing this device will help us to raise the capital to develop a really useful device.'

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

'It's nothing a few stem cells and another 75 years of research can't fix.'

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'My favorites are Leeuwenhoek, who proved we exist, and Pasteur, who showed the world we have some clout.'

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

'Same time next week then?'

Radiologist's Selfie

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

'They've been rehearsing your surgery.'

Surgical chicken liver. (For transplants)

"Look, if you had a bacterial infection, I could prescribe something. But that's clearly a virus. I just can't help you."

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

Woman in hospital: Pick up a leaflet, Pick up a bug.

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

Artificial hearts.