Mom Life Veteran Gifts

"Sorry sweetie, I can't carry you anymore."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Use your inside scream."

"No, our company doesn't provide day care or maternity leave."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'How long have you two been married?'

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Child on a schedule.

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

Soccer Moms

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

The lineup for mental health services around the building.

'Talk about tough days.'

Working Moms

"I figured, better the devil you know."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

Mother and Baby

Tunnel of love

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

Baby Mums.

"Could you continue to work from home? We're enjoying not having you in the office."

"My child has special wants."