Mom Life Warrior Gifts

'Talk about tough days.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

Baby pram as a tank

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

"Use your inside scream."

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No, our company doesn't provide day care or maternity leave."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

Pinata good bags.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."