Family Life Warrior Gifts

'We can't give you family leave so you can have time away from your husband and kids.'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Baby pram as a tank

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

Working Late

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

celebrating a birth.

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

Nun Binning the Devil

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Little has changed since you called saying you had to work overtime. Except John Wayne died. Oh, and there's a new thing called the 'Internet'.'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

Work/Personal Life Balance Beam

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

The other digital divide.

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.