Family Life Warrior Pillows

'We can't give you family leave so you can have time away from your husband and kids.'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Baby pram as a tank

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Working Late

celebrating a birth.

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Nun Binning the Devil

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

'Little has changed since you called saying you had to work overtime. Except John Wayne died. Oh, and there's a new thing called the 'Internet'.'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

Work/Personal Life Balance Beam

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

The other digital divide.

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."