Modern Family Life Enthusiasts Pillows

'Visit Absent Father Christmas' grotto.'

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"Use your inside scream."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"I'm so good at this!"

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

"I read the audio book."

"I've decided to have a kid."

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

"I was raised in New York and Nancy is from L.A., but we're bringing up the children bicoastal."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"I suppose your mother and I should have said something earlier, but it never seemed like the right time to talk about your adoption."

The best time capsules are our children.

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

'I don't like that one. . . how about the one with the cute smile.'