Modern Family Life Enthusiast Pillows

"Dad want's to talk about the birds and the bees/ I guess I'll have to tell him about girls."

"His first fax."

'Look, dear. Our printer's first words.'

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Use your inside scream."

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

"I'm so good at this!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

'It's no use! His computer tablet has replaced his blanky!'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

"I read the audio book."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"If you don't stop doing that, your faces will stick that way!"

"I was raised in New York and Nancy is from L.A., but we're bringing up the children bicoastal."

"I've decided to have a kid."