Modern Family Life Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Dad want's to talk about the birds and the bees/ I guess I'll have to tell him about girls."

"His first fax."

'Look, dear. Our printer's first words.'

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"Use your inside scream."

"I'm so good at this!"

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"I read the audio book."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"He followed me home...finally!"

'Hey Holly, Watch! Biscuit can catch a ginger snap in mid-air!!'

The best time capsules are our children.

"I suppose your mother and I should have said something earlier, but it never seemed like the right time to talk about your adoption."

'Go forth and multiply!'