Modern Family Lovers Pillows

Unborn baby texts his parents.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"I guess families do come in all shapes and sizes."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"I was raised in New York and Nancy is from L.A., but we're bringing up the children bicoastal."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Reality of Parenthood

"Don't forget to come back."

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

Modern Charm

'Look, dear. Our printer's first words.'

Egalitarian family

"My daughter is a modern baby. She doesn't cry when she is hungry...she texts me."

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'In my day we called it 'parenting', not 'troubleshooting your kid'.'

'No, the woman of the house is at work. May I help you?'

"Son, I think it's about time we had the TED Talk."

'Mom, Kevin just asked me to live with him!'

The Bowling Family

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

"I now pronounce you...significant others!"

'Yup! Lots to give, not much to lose!'

"You just wait until your other mother gets home, young man!"

'Food? Do you think I'm the kind of mother that cooks?'

'After all these years you'd think I'd see that coming.'