Modern Family Lovers Pillows

Unborn baby texts his parents.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"I guess families do come in all shapes and sizes."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'It's no use! His computer tablet has replaced his blanky!'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"I was raised in New York and Nancy is from L.A., but we're bringing up the children bicoastal."

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Friday night was always sext night.

Reality of Parenthood

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

"Don't forget to come back."

Modern Charm

'Look, dear. Our printer's first words.'

Egalitarian family

"My daughter is a modern baby. She doesn't cry when she is hungry...she texts me."

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'In my day we called it 'parenting', not 'troubleshooting your kid'.'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

The Bowling Family

"I now pronounce you...significant others!"

'No, the woman of the house is at work. May I help you?'

"Son, I think it's about time we had the TED Talk."

'Mom, Kevin just asked me to live with him!'

'Yup! Lots to give, not much to lose!'

"You just wait until your other mother gets home, young man!"

"I'm strictly yes or no. Alexa and Siri deal with facts. Value judgements we leave to your mother."

'Food? Do you think I'm the kind of mother that cooks?'

'After all these years you'd think I'd see that coming.'