Modern Lovers Pillows

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Online Dating

"You may now kiss the bride."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

"Don't talk to me in your 'Hey Siri' voice."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"Ah, here it is - the Wedding Service app."

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

Modern Charm

Effective Catcalls

". . . Do you both like and subscribe. . ."

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"So - we meet at last."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

"Lady lush has another busy day."

"I now pronounce you 'romantically linked'."

'Any objections to this marriage should text me now or forever hold his tweet.'

'Wow, dude. You're really old school!'

"Will you please shut up! I'm trying to talk to Alexa!"

Online Dating For Dummies

'I undertand they met on line.'

"Do you take this person for better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness even with a high co-pay?"

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."