Modern Lovers Gifts

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"Oh Gerald, you've changed your Facebook status."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Online Dating

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Don't talk to me in your 'Hey Siri' voice."

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

Friday night was always sext night.

"Ah, here it is - the Wedding Service app."

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

Modern Charm

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

Effective Catcalls

'Mom and Dad, like when did you first text that you loved each other?'

". . . Do you both like and subscribe. . ."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

"So - we meet at last."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

'Any objections to this marriage should text me now or forever hold his tweet.'

"I now pronounce you 'romantically linked'."

"Lady lush has another busy day."

'Wow, dude. You're really old school!'

"Will you please shut up! I'm trying to talk to Alexa!"

It's been a long time, Rudy. Sixteen months, two weeks, four days, sixteen hours, seven minutes. You're kidding me. There's an iPhone app. It tracks the crucial experiences in my life. I'm kidding you. Did you just make a joke at the expense of yourself and your device? I'm impressed. Sorry device. I'll make it up to you, darling.

"He must be really serious to send you something a permanent as an email."

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."