Modern Lover Gifts

"And, for music, you want traditional or new age?"

5-hour relationship drug.

"He must be really serious to send you something a permanent as an email."

"Don't waste your ammo pal, we're just f**k buddies."

Modern Charm

Safe Sex Rd. formerly Lovers Lane.

'Gotta run. I'm late for a lecture on answering the phone while out on a date.'

"Do you take this person for better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness even with a high co-pay?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Hey Scout, isn't ice fishing great?"

Online Dating

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

7 More Dwarfs

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

Effective Catcalls

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

"Wow, dad, it's a beaut."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"So - we meet at last."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

"And our charging station, also a period piece. . ."

What do you like most about presents?

"Lady lush has another busy day."

'Wow, dude. You're really old school!'

"I didn't have time to go shopping,so I just wrote him a nice check."