Modern Lover Gifts

Friday night was always sext night.

"And, for music, you want traditional or new age?"

5-hour relationship drug.

It's been a long time, Rudy. Sixteen months, two weeks, four days, sixteen hours, seven minutes. You're kidding me. There's an iPhone app. It tracks the crucial experiences in my life. I'm kidding you. Did you just make a joke at the expense of yourself and your device? I'm impressed. Sorry device. I'll make it up to you, darling.

"He must be really serious to send you something a permanent as an email."

"Don't waste your ammo pal, we're just f**k buddies."

Modern Charm

Safe Sex Rd. formerly Lovers Lane.

'Gotta run. I'm late for a lecture on answering the phone while out on a date.'

"Do you take this person for better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness even with a high co-pay?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Hey Scout, isn't ice fishing great?"

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Online Dating

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

7 More Dwarfs

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

Effective Catcalls

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"Wow, dad, it's a beaut."

"So - we meet at last."

"And our charging station, also a period piece. . ."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

"Lady lush has another busy day."