Modern Day Luddite Gifts

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration

Elfie Stick

"Dammit all, haven't they heard of e-mail?"

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"Jim had to know what happens when you turn off your computer while it's updating."

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

Pensioners and Phones

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

"Postmodern irony, right? - the creativity is in the price."

"I've gone for a retro phone."

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

'Unfortunately illuminating the strike placards could take a few years.'

'Your mother tells me you've started blogging! I have no idea what that means, but stop it immediately, or you'll go blind!'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Look mate, I keep rebooting and nothing happens!!"

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

Mom & Pops General Store - Free Hi-Fi

"Apparently, you didn't learn your lesson when you tried cleaning your phone screen like that."

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary : "I. P. Address - The answer to the question, "Where is the bathroom?"

"The wonders of technology always keep me wondering."

'She spends hours on that fire to her boyfriend'.

"I bought something off the Internet, but I can't find it in my computer. Online shopping is overrated."

"In reply to your inquiry regarding the Burke garden hoe, please visit our Worldwide Web home page at: http://www.burke1903.com."

Sponsored by the Flat Earth Society

"I don't have time for a TV dinner. I'll just grab a cell phone snack!"

"We can accomodate food allergies, physical disablilities and learning disorders, but if your son is a technophobe, we have nothing for him."

'Electronic correspondence is hurting our business. You can read more about this in the e-mail I'll be sending out tomorrow.'