Luddite Life Gifts

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary : "I. P. Address - The answer to the question, "Where is the bathroom?"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Dammit all, haven't they heard of e-mail?"

Man watching football on T.V. in armchair made of beer cans.

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

"I think I'm really getting the hang of this lucid dreaming thing."

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

Pensioners and Phones

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"I've gone for a retro phone."

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

'Unfortunately illuminating the strike placards could take a few years.'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Look mate, I keep rebooting and nothing happens!!"

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

Mom & Pops General Store - Free Hi-Fi

"Apparently, you didn't learn your lesson when you tried cleaning your phone screen like that."

"I want to follow my dreams - not analyze them."

"The wonders of technology always keep me wondering."

"I bought something off the Internet, but I can't find it in my computer. Online shopping is overrated."

Sponsored by the Flat Earth Society

"In reply to your inquiry regarding the Burke garden hoe, please visit our Worldwide Web home page at: http://www.burke1903.com."

"We can accomodate food allergies, physical disablilities and learning disorders, but if your son is a technophobe, we have nothing for him."

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration

'Electronic correspondence is hurting our business. You can read more about this in the e-mail I'll be sending out tomorrow.'

"Those windows are in good shape, dad. I was speaking about updating your other Windows."

"You put a 'do not disturb' sign on your phone? Putting it on silent may be a little more practical."

Going wireless