Luddite Survivor Gifts

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

Building a Shelter

"Dammit all, haven't they heard of e-mail?"

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

Pensioners and Phones

"I've gone for a retro phone."

'Unfortunately illuminating the strike placards could take a few years.'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

'It just hasn't been my day.'

"Look mate, I keep rebooting and nothing happens!!"

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'This day goes from bad to worse.'

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

Mom & Pops General Store - Free Hi-Fi

"Apparently, you didn't learn your lesson when you tried cleaning your phone screen like that."

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary : "I. P. Address - The answer to the question, "Where is the bathroom?"

"The wonders of technology always keep me wondering."

"In reply to your inquiry regarding the Burke garden hoe, please visit our Worldwide Web home page at: http://www.burke1903.com."

Sponsored by the Flat Earth Society

"I bought something off the Internet, but I can't find it in my computer. Online shopping is overrated."

"That's a GOOD BOY! Now let's go home."

"Of all the hundreds of islands I could get washed up on, I get to land on Hell's Island."

Clancy: Coot of a Day

Message in a bottle breaks on a rock.

"We can accomodate food allergies, physical disablilities and learning disorders, but if your son is a technophobe, we have nothing for him."

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration

'Electronic correspondence is hurting our business. You can read more about this in the e-mail I'll be sending out tomorrow.'