Luddite Humorist Gifts

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

Sponsored by the Flat Earth Society

"Those windows are in good shape, dad. I was speaking about updating your other Windows."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Dammit all, haven't they heard of e-mail?"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Pensioners and Phones

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

"I've gone for a retro phone."

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

'Unfortunately illuminating the strike placards could take a few years.'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

Foreclosure.

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Look mate, I keep rebooting and nothing happens!!"

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

'Oh yeah! First to reach enlightenment... Right here! Eat my dust, bitches!'

'They're still waiting for Godot.'

Sock puppet down!: 'A hand! I need a hand!'

Mom & Pops General Store - Free Hi-Fi

"Gone to mother. Your dinner's on television!"

Mime Christmas Cards - Blank Inside.

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary : "I. P. Address - The answer to the question, "Where is the bathroom?"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Apparently, you didn't learn your lesson when you tried cleaning your phone screen like that."