Luddite Laugher Gifts

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"Dammit all, haven't they heard of e-mail?"

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

Police Lineup Escape

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Pensioners and Phones

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"I've gone for a retro phone."

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

'Unfortunately illuminating the strike placards could take a few years.'

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

"Look mate, I keep rebooting and nothing happens!!"

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

"You don't need your selfie stick...the booth takes selfies for you!"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

Mom & Pops General Store - Free Hi-Fi

"How am I supposed to guide the sleigh with this mask on?"

"You're the only one I know stilling calling people 'Uber' this and 'Uber' that."

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary : "I. P. Address - The answer to the question, "Where is the bathroom?"

"I only read half of it."

"The wonders of technology always keep me wondering."

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"In reply to your inquiry regarding the Burke garden hoe, please visit our Worldwide Web home page at: http://www.burke1903.com."

Sponsored by the Flat Earth Society

"We can accomodate food allergies, physical disablilities and learning disorders, but if your son is a technophobe, we have nothing for him."

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration