Modern Luddites Club Gifts

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

"Dammit all, haven't they heard of e-mail?"

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

"I couldn't get a signal while I was at the mall. I can now relate to those songs that sing about the blues."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

Pensioners and Phones

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

'He used to think, now he just googles everything.'

"I've gone for a retro phone."

'Unfortunately illuminating the strike placards could take a few years.'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Look mate, I keep rebooting and nothing happens!!"

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

Mom & Pops General Store - Free Hi-Fi

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary : "I. P. Address - The answer to the question, "Where is the bathroom?"

Caution Wet Floor

I'm thinking of joining the, 'People Who Enjoy Solitude in Large Numbers', group.

"The wonders of technology always keep me wondering."

"I bought something off the Internet, but I can't find it in my computer. Online shopping is overrated."

Sponsored by the Flat Earth Society

"In reply to your inquiry regarding the Burke garden hoe, please visit our Worldwide Web home page at: http://www.burke1903.com."

"We can accomodate food allergies, physical disablilities and learning disorders, but if your son is a technophobe, we have nothing for him."

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration

'Electronic correspondence is hurting our business. You can read more about this in the e-mail I'll be sending out tomorrow.'

"You put a 'do not disturb' sign on your phone? Putting it on silent may be a little more practical."

"Those windows are in good shape, dad. I was speaking about updating your other Windows."

Going wireless