Mistress Gifts

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'Oh yes... and I'll want one for the wife as well.'

"As long as you get a good rest afterwards, to build up your strength for me!"

"His first out-of-body experience."

Cry babies.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Face painting.

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...