Maternity Master Gifts

Push, push, push...

'I know it's Mother's Day, but she just went into labor. She probably won't be a mother for hours.'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Mighty Man Of Justice Is Born

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

Batman's Baby

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

The Elephant in the Womb

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

Clown Delivering Babies.

In the club.

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"Oh, that poor thing."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'