Maternity Master Gifts

'I know it's Mother's Day, but she just went into labor. She probably won't be a mother for hours.'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

The Elephant in the Womb

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

In the club.

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"Oh, that poor thing."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'I'm on the way!'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"Triple whammy."