Maternity Expert Gifts

"Hang the expense. Next time I'll go by stretch-uterus!"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Batman's Baby

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

Clown Delivering Babies.

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

In the club.

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"All this stuff? I'm meeting for two now."

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

Push, push, push...