Maternity Expert Gifts

"Hang the expense. Next time I'll go by stretch-uterus!"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

The Elephant in the Womb

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

In the club.

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

"All this stuff? I'm meeting for two now."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'