Maternity Doctor Gifts

Maternity doctor with a plunger

"You're three days late, I think you're going to have a railway executive."

"His first out-of-body experience."

The cell phone soother for life.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'