Maternity Care Gifts

"If you're going to be all judgy, I'm just going to lie to you."

Pregnant woman enters door marked: 'Mommy Time ... With Pre and Post-Natal Hug Therapy'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

'Of course I know when most babies are born. During dinner.'

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"Same old same old. How about you?"

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Mother Nature

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

"He's such a fussy eater."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'I'm not too sure about that.'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

Men explained.